I have to say I am shocked!
No, I am not reacting to the incredibly stupid Republican filibuster or this whole Syrian mess or even the fact that the guy from Big Bang Theory won his third consecutive Emmy. All of that pales in comparison to my news. It has recently come to my attention that the fifth and final season of CHARLIE’S ANGELS (the original and not the lame reboot) took place in Hawaii. How in the world did I not know that?!
I am a child of television and have an encyclopedic knowledge when it comes to the golden age of TV, which to me is three decades starting with the swinging sixties and ending when the me decade was laid to rest in 1989. I know Alice’s middle name on The Brady Bunch (it’s Nelson), I can name all of the maids on Maude (Florida Evans, Mrs. Naugatuck, Victoria Butterfield), and I can sing the lyrics to the second verse of The Mary Tyler Moore theme song (You are most likely to succeed, you have the looks and charm and girl you know that’s all you need, all the men around adore you, that sexy look will do wonders for you, love is all around no need to fake it, you can have the town, why don’t you take it, you’re gonna make it after all). You see, I’m like the Encyclopedia Mikeannica when it comes to classic television! Which is why I was dumbfounded when I found out this previously unknown piece of Angels folklore.
It seems that after season four the whole crew relocated to the Aloha State to open up a new branch of the Townsend Agency. Clearly it was an attempt to recapture the ratings of the initial years when the show was a jiggly juggernaut. After losing original angel Sabrina after the third season and stalling with a new angel, the beautiful, but boring Bostonian Tiffany Wells — who, let’s be honest, only got the gig because she was the leggy model for Charlie cologne and Aaron Spelling couldn’t resist the publicity connection — the once must-see show was losing its audience. Something had to be done, so why not a road trip to even warmer climes?!
In short order Kelly, Kris, and Bosley settled in Hawaii, Stiffany was replaced by tough New Yorker Julie Rogers, and the opening monologue spoken by a never-seen Charlie was rewritten. Three little girls were now three beautiful girls and not all of them went to the police academy, Julie was actually a model who helped the angels dismantle Julie’s modeling agency that was nothing more than a front for drugs and prostitution. With an open slot, Julie was offered a position as angel #3 (or is that technically angel #5?) despite having any experience as a cop or a detective. Who cares as long as she looked smokin’ hot in a bikini. Which after watching the first three episodes on DVD, I must say she does.
I have no idea how the season ends though I’m thoroughly excited to revisit one of my favorite shows and find out. It’s still a mystery to me how I didn’t see these episodes growing up or at least know what was going on in the angelic realm. I blame it on my misspent youth.
But now that I’ve discovered the errs of my ways, I have one thing to say to my past.